Loud & Clear

facing the dark

I’ve been on a blogging fast for the last three months. It was unannounced, for which I apologize. With the realization of my job transition out of a Communication Director role into a Campus Pastor role, I knew I needed to draw away for a bit to prepare.

In my reading today, I came across a section that spoke to why I felt the need to pull away. Solitude has not always been a strong spiritual discipline in my life but has become more and more important in these last days. Here’s why:

Only those who have been brave enough to ride their own monsters of anger and greed, jealousy and narcissim, fear and violence all the way down to the bottom will find a truer energy with which to lead. Only those who have faced their own dark side can be trusted to lead others toward the Light.

This is where true spiritual leadership begins. Everything that comes before is something else.  -Strenghening the Soul of Your Leadership pg.44, Ruth Haley Barton

This speaks what I could only feel before. When it’s time to step up, it’s time to step away to take measure of what lies beneath waiting to rise up and destroy everything you’re trying to build. And not that we have the capacity or strength to change ourselves, but God who is within us shapes and calls us toward who he has already made us to be. It’s through surrender and disciplining ourselves to obediance that we are positioned to have God work through us, to accomplish what we are called to do.

When was the last time you took a good long look at what’s lurking beneath the surface in your life? How long since you got away and spent some time in solitude with God and let him wrestle those things to the surface? Can you afford to wait any longer?

the big news

It doesn’t take a degree in economics to know that we’re in a deep recession. Many families at Clovis Hills have lost their jobs and homes and many others can see it from where they are. Just as our families have been impacted, so has our church budget.

Last week, I was called into a meeting with Steve, our lead pastor, and Greg, our exec pastor. I learned that they were eliminating seven positions at Clovis Hills, five full time and two part time. Part of those lay offs was the dissolution of my department, Communications. This includes myself and my assistant Thilani.

I’ve been through this before, a couple times. I know what it’s like to look out and wonder what God is doing and what’s next. God uses times like this to create dependency on Him. He uses it to challenge our faith, our worldly view of security and most importantly our walk.

In fact, for the last six months I’ve wrestled with a restlessness in my spirit, knowing that God was preparing me for whatever was next. The word I got from him was, “Whatever you do next will be something you’ve never done before.” A hard thing to grasp since I’ve done so many things here there’s not much left to pick from.

So, when I walked into that room, I was prepared. I was at peace. God had been prepping me for months for this moment. What I didn’t expect was that the next thing would show up right in that meeting.

I was offered something different. Very different. A campus plant in Firebaugh. It seems there’s several families in that area that have been attending Clovis Hills over the last six months who approached Steve about helping them plant a church or campus in that area, reaching out to both Firebaugh and Dos Palos. The offer was to spearhead whatever that campus would evolve into.

WOW. It was terrifying. It was exciting. I thought about all the things I’ve done at Clovis Hills. Student Pastor. Worship Leader. Performing Arts. Weekend Service Producer. Communication & Marketing. Many of the skills I’d need to accomplish this new work.

I took a solitude day that week and drove out to Firebaugh with my wife. We just wanted to be in the town, drive around, meet some people and spend time in prayer. During that time, God gave me twelve specific scriptures affirming his call on me and what he is doing in Firebaugh. In fact, he told me it was something he was already doing. It’s his work, I just get to be a part of it. It was the last piece of the puzzle.

I’ve officially accepted this new position. I’m still on staff at Clovis Hills and have an office at this campus. And that’s about all I know. I’ll meet these families in the coming weeks. I’ve a whole department to transition out of, setting up systems to keep everything flowing. I have more questions than answers. But if you know me, that’s pretty much heaven for me. Discovery, learning, creating, building relationships and stepping out in faith. There’s nothing better than that!

Please pray for the other folks who are transitioning out. Everyone’s still employed through May with ample leeway to discover what God has next. Pray for hope and peace. Pray for provision. And pray with expectation for what God is going to do through our church and our staff, those leaving and those remaining.

One of the verses God gave me during my solitude time was a promise of what’s to come:

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

discipleship: an opportunity, not a process

We’ve been having some conversations on staff about how we communicate the different things that happen at Clovis Hills. And there’s a bunch! Growth Groups, Core Classes, Crown Financial Classes, Personal Development Plans, Mission Trips, Super Bowl Breakfasts, Recovery Groups and on and on.

The conversations have centered on our need to change how we communicate these things. It feels like we’re pushing too hard. Instead of offering an opportunity we’ve been trying to sell attendance. And there’s a big difference between those things.

I heard in a recent video cast from a national church leader that we will never adequately defend the accusation we are not discipling people. And I believe it. You see, we can’t MAKE people be disciples. At some point spiritual growth is about each us, individually, pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ.

As a church, it’s our job to create “irrisitable environments” (to borrow a phrase from another well known church leader) in which if you have any desire to grow, you will.

But getting you there… that’s up to you. You have to want to grow.

We’re not going to just give up trying to get you there! But we are going to try to stop pressuring you and begin inviting you, you to take a next step of faith.

How can we do that?

1. We can demonstrating how God is working in our life personally as staff members.
2. We can provide worship experiences that draw you into a real interaction with God.
3. We can provide messages that help you understand God knows you, loves you and has a plan to make you whole if you’ll follow him.
4. We can provide you opportunities to share your life, blessings and struggles, with other people like you in a committed small group.
5. We can provide you opportunities to stretch your faith in knowledge and action through Classes and Serving Opportunities.

After that? It’s pretty much up to you.

lead up like you lead down

This past week, I had a revelation while talking to a good friend about a situation at work. What came out was a realization that I lead down far different than I lead up.

those I lead:
With those I lead, I make a great effort to be compassionate, understanding and grace-giving. I try to care more about the relationship than simply getting tasks done (though getting tasks done well is a priority, just not the highest one). I focus more on building relational influence than leaning on positional influence.

those who lead me:
Now for some reason, when it comes to my expectations or interactions with those who lead me, these things aren’t my default. I’m much more critical. I’m more focused on how strategic we should be. Processes and systems should be better. Organizational choices I would make differently. Less grace. More perfectionism.

I’m sure I could justify it by saying I expect more from my leaders than those I lead. As leaders, we should be as strategic as possible to achieve our vision, and anything less than that ideal is… well, less than.

how I lead myself:
Here’s the truth, the more I view myself through a critical and perfectionistic lens, the more critical and perfectionistic I view those above me. The less grace I give myself, the less grace I have for those who lead me.

The truth is we’re all human. We all have weaknesses and we all make mistakes. None of us are perfect and everyone drops a ball now and then.

See, it’s not the lack of perfection that gets us. It’s how far reality falls short of our expectations. And while we can’t change reality, we can change our expectations.

lead up like you lead down
So, this is the conclusion I’ve come to. I will lead up like I lead down: compassionate, understanding and grace-giving. I will seek to understand more than to be understood. And while I’m not as likely to change my expectations for myself, I’m hoping that being a person who gives grace in all directions will have the benefit of spilling over to how I view myself.

I expect the benefits of leading up like I lead down will also be the same. Greater influence with those who lead me. Greater levels of authenticity and personal relationship. Greater personal satisfaction in my job and performance in our organization.

Maybe this is old hat to you. But it was a “lightbulb moment” for me. What do you think?

christmas cheer

Here’s a gift to you from the Clovis Hills exec staff. Bringing Christmas cheer to the world.

a true iron man

Dave MacNeill, our Pastor of Next Generation, fulfilled a dream this weekend. He finished the Iron Man in Kona, Hawaii. He’s a stud. Plagued with a cracked rib during training, he endured and made his dream come true.

Way to go Dave!

Watch Dave cross the finish line here.

http://ironman.edgeboss.net/wmedia/ironman/video/2008/kona/webcast.wvx?starttime=19:25:01.00&endtime=01:00:00.00

Clovis Hills: a redeeming church

We say it alot around here. There’s a church for everyone. No matter your dress style, worship preference, beverage necessity or preferred baptism method, there’s a church somewhere that fits you.

But what about Clovis Hills? Who do we fit? What’s our uniqueness?

Pastor Steve and I had a telephone interview this week with the Willow Creek Association. As we talked about our history, defining moments, biggest failures and most important learnings, one thing kept coming around.  We are a redeeming church.

I can tell you story after story of people who’ve come to Clovis Hills wounded, a jerk, abandoned, burned out, a snob or disconnected. We’ve seen marriages fall apart and end in divorce, yet both continue to attend here. We seen folks with huge abuses in their past come to health and be restored to life and ministry. We’ve had guys who were the meanest, nastiest guys you’d ever run into transform into the nicest, loving-est guys you could imagine. Totally different people! I still can’t believe it sometimes the transformation that happens around here.

Pastor Steve even once started a special growth group he called the X-Min (similar to the comic name) that was made up of about a dozen ex-pastors attending Clovis Hills. Some had simply burned out. Others made personal mistakes that cost them their positions.

I’ve always wondered where these guys went after they stepped down from ministry, especially those in disgrace. Apparently, they come to Clovis Hills. Here they are anonymous, just themselves and rediscover God’s love, grace and purpose for their lives. They’re in growth groups, in ministry teams (some are greeters!), and other areas. It’s amazing to me.

On September 7, we’re starting a message series called Redeeming Grace. One of these pastors is going to co-teach with Steve for two of those weeks, sharing his own story about his fall and his restoration. It’s going to be an amazing series!

Pastor Steve has said from the beginning Clovis Hills is about Changed Lives. And while some staff including myself, and perhaps even you, have managed to create some image in our own minds of what we think Clovis Hills should look like and be, and have wondered sometimes at why we aren’t everything we wished, Clovis Hills is still a place where life change happens.

So who are we? What’s our identity, vision and uniqueness?  We’re the place the broken, the bruised and the battered find refuge, God’s grace and purpose for their lives. What an awesome place to be!

Now let me clarify. Some will think that this shouldn’t qualify as a uniqueness. After all, isn’t that every church’s mission? Well, yes and no. My parents church is a missional church. Seekers don’t go to their church really. But they are constantly doing community projects, sending missionaries, equipping leaders. That’s their uniqueness. Other churches are discipling churches. Or worshipping churches. God seems to gift churches as uniquely as he does people.

Every believer and church should follow the Great Commandment (love God & people) and the Great Commission (teach them to follow Jesus). HOW they accomplish that exactly is part of their uniqueness.

If Clovis Hills isn’t your church home, what is your church’s uniqueness?

life, uncensored

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago. He’s somewhere in the seeker/early believer stage. One of the things he’s struggling with is the lack of transparency in church people, staff folks in particular.

I understand where he’s coming from. A lot is riding on what we do - people’s eternity. The Bible gives us clear instruction (Paul in particular) to live spotless lives, to make sure that how we live causes no one to stumble in their faith journey. When you take that with how judgmental folks are of Christians, leadership, celebrity, etc., it’s easy to get drawn above the water line and live on the surface, hiding all the dark secrets of your sin and struggle. It’s not just the world either. Church people can be the worst offenders of the bunch.

Our culture demands us to be real, true authenticity and transparency. (Jesus too, by the way) On the other hand, it crucifies anyone who makes a mistake. An odd mix.

But I understand. Let me confess: I’m no different than our culture. I totally believe in transparency. Ask my friends, I’m always the guy that says “more than he should” when it comes to self disclosure. I just am who I am. I crave that in my relationships. But there’s always that line of how much can you share and still remain safe. I don’t always know. But I’d rather opt for transparency. My only other option is to begin to live only for other’s perceptions. And that’s a dark and lonely road.

So I’m here to confess: I feel tired, insecure, and stressed out. For reason of brevity, I won’t go into all why my week was junk. I tried and this post got way too long. Here’s the sum up. My son’s really sick, I’m suffering for lack of sleep, my wife’s out of town, work is crazy with innovation and obstacles and I feel like crap.

Not that I feel like you’re only being real when you share your junk. It just tends to be what we hide the most.

How’s it going in your world? Really?

what we do in our off time

So, I know you’re wondering- what does the tech team do on their off time, when they’re not serving at weekend services?  They do this. And when you’re married to their leader, so do you.

pre-service run through

Here’s Paul and the gang getting ready for tonights service. Taken and posted from my phone (not an iPhone).