“I’m a P.K. (preacher’s kid) and have been surrounded by religion my whole life. I’ve considered myself Christian even though I’ve been away from church for 10 years. Now I have a family of my own and I realize it takes more than ‘being good’ to be a commited Christian. How do I figure out what’s holding me back without over-analyzing everything?”
You’re right in saying that it takes more than “good” behavior to be in right relationship with God. You’ve also experienced for yourself that faith by association doesn’t work, either — even for the family of a preacher. So what does work?
The one desire of God’s heart from the beginning of creation was to have close, meaningful relationships with all of mankind. Every single one of us! The kind of intimate parent-child relationship only happens on a one-to-one basis, and with complete and consistent honesty.
Our choice to live on our own terms instead of on His creates a break in our relationship with God. It is up to us to approach Him and admit that it’s our fault that we’re separated from Him.
The next step is to ask Him for forgiveness, and ask Him to accept us back into His family as His child. This has to be sincere, and straight from the heart. No relationship can be healed with magic words or just going through the motions. You have to mean what you say, and only you and God will know if you really do.
The only obstacle left to clear before being totally and eternally reunited with God is holiness. The problem is, people don’t live holy lives. The Hebrews/Israelites/Jews have spent several thousand years proving that even if we’re given a set of rules and guidelines to follow, our innate desire to be in charge of our own lives makes living a holy life almost impossible.
The good news is that God sacrificed His own holiness on our behalf, so our unholy lives are covered by His righteousness. But God won’t force Himself on us — we have to ask for His sacrifice to cover our shortcomings. But like the good father He is, He will always say yes.
Now our relationship with God is re-forged, what’s next? Basically, we spend the rest of eternity building up and growing that relationship. Intimacy doesn’t happen overnight — it takes time, energy, and effort. And no one else can do it for us. I mean let’s be honest — how close can you get to someone else through a third person?
There are many, many different ways to develop closeness and comfort with our heavenly Father and because each relationship is unique, there is no single “right” way to do it. Just be absolutely certain that whatever methods you choose, you’re getting to know the REAL God. Here are some suggestions that many people have had success with:
1. Spend quality time with God. Time and focus (or attention) is essential for any relationship. It’s what relationships feed on, and need to grow. Cut off the attention, and the relationship will wither and die.
2. Develop relationships with other Christians. Jesus told His disciples that whenever three or more gather together in His name, He will be there. We can see His heart, character, and love reflected in the lives of other believers. Plus, we need others to keep us on track and to make sure we’re getting to know the real God.
3. Get familiar with the Bible. The Bible is simply the best resource on earth for getting to know who God is, what He wants, how He feels, how He thinks, and how He works. The more we read, listen to, study, and memorize the Bible, the better we’ll know God.
4. Serve. Serving in some form of ministry — whether it’s mission work, teaching, singing, playing music, mowing the lawns or working in the office — enables us to experience God on a level of intimacy that just isn’t possible sitting in church on a Sunday morning. It’s one thing to hear about God. It’s another thing to emulate Him by putting our faith into action and letting His love flow through us to others.
Clovis Hills offers a 3-week class called GROW every month that goes into much more depth to help Christians build up their own relationships with God. If that sounds interesting to you, just contact the church office or write it on a communication card.
–Eric