I suppose they’ve been there all along, but since my workout buddy (our lead pastor) has not been around lately, I’ve begun to notice some of these strange people at my gym.
#1 - There’s the creepy smile guy who always seems to be sitting right by the front door and, you guessed it, smiles creepily at the people who walk in. It’s gotten so I try really hard to avoid him, but it’s like a car crash; I peek over to see the carnage and there it is, the creepy smile. Icky is a good feeling to have when starting your workout, I think.
#2 - Then there’s the crazy eliptical trainer lady. This woman is always on the same machine in the very first row so the rest of us can see her and she requires that the machines immediately to her right and left remain un-used; this isn’t a stated rule, mind you, it’s just common sense upon seeing her workout. Apparently she’s trying to get a little bit more out of her workout by flailing her arms one at a time wildly in the air. She also seems to be dancing while rockin’ her tunes and I’m sometimes worried that she’ll fall off of her machine. She occasionally looks around too and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s lost in the music and then comes to her senses in a moment of embarassment or because she’s hoping people are checking out her funky-fresh moves.
#3 - This guy is my favorite. This is the old dude always in mismatched sweats (the pants only go about half way down his calf) who gets on the treadmill right in front of me and cranks it up to as high as it will go. Now, I’m all for getting on and going hard, I suppose, but he stands on the side rails, cranks it up and then, while holding himself in the air by the hand rails he kicks his feet in the air to “get up to speed” and then gets on going as fast as he can. I guess he’s doing some sort of wind sprint because he only goes for a couple of minutes, pops back on the side rails, takes a break and then starts the whole process over again.
#4 - the loud group of old people that always wear yellow to the gym as if they might get lost and need to find each other in the crowd of people there at 6:30 in the morning.
#5 - the overly friendly dude who knows everybody and, though he’s in pretty good shape, seems to never workout because he’s always talking to me. Don’t make eye contact otherwise you could be there a while.
#6 - the grunter. This guy is at every gym, but he insists on grunting and moaning as loud as he can while lifting weights as if to let everyone know that he’s there and that he’s serious about this. I worry that he’ll pull something one day or get trapped under a barbell and no one will come help him out because we won’t be able to tell if he’s really hurt or not.
#7 - the really proud of his physique guy. This is the dude that worked out for a long period of time and worked really hard to get into the kind of condition he’s in. Now, however, he just walks back and forth in his sleevless tee letting everyone know. I’ve never actually seen this guy work out, but he must have at some point, right?
This is my gym experience three times a week. It’s pretty comical at times. I’d really like to set up a decathalon of some sort with all of these people and find out who really is the biggest stud of the bunch.
I guess we’ll never know
